I find myself in a strange place lately. I have several conundrums I need deal with…

One being clothing, or in my case, the lack there of!  Style, who am I? Does the way I dress define me? Am I really just a hot mess? and then, what colours should I be wearing? And,  does this really mean anything… does it?

And then there is the total neglect of my skin…. I want to slap the 30 year old Kelly…. Honestly! Along with horrific eating, too much drinking and smoking and generally just living a fabulous life – have I let down the 45 year old Kelly? Am I just being all to vain or is this me being part of the new movement of woman where actually caring and learning to love ourselves is a priority!? But more of that another time I think!

With John away, I find myself stuck in thought – and it’s not always a good thing! And yes… it sometimes hurts! HA! I said it first!!

But seriously… while I focus on getting myself healthy what am I telling my kids by my actions?

It’s easier for me with Connor and it shouldn’t be really – he is a big lad! He comes from “big stock” after all. He tends to get a little broad, then he sprouts up! We call him “strong”. When he plays his rugby matches, he is the “ox”. His chest puffs up and he feels confident and his eyes, they twinkle. He is a physical boy and he will be just fine!

Georgia is a tall, somewhat geeky, a little awkward 10 year old… going on, not 16, but 11! She is sweet, cute, delightful even, with just the right amount of sass to keep me in check! She has gorgeous legs and a teddy bear tummy. She loves all the food, all the cake and sweet treats and cucumber. She also loves humus and chicken and thankfully cauliflower too. She is not a fan of exercise.   But she walks the dogs and goes hiking, if it’s technical and there are death defying cliffs and boulders to climb over – don’t give this child jeep track! She will moan, cry and may even scream! She can be determined if she puts her mind to it.

It’s bitter sweet to think of these youngsters growing into adults – Gaaawwwwddd!!!!

My kids see the photo’s of me and they remember me before Running with Curves. They know that I eat low carb. I limit the treats and they know all about making healthy choices. But regardless of how they look, how do I make sure that by the time they reach 45, they are happy in their skins?

Yoh! And then there is the language we use to help these kids grow, so the voice they hear in their heads is one of encouragement, it’s positive, it’s there to help them make the hard choices and so that they see themselves as worthy and so that they can accept themselves with love – the responsibility is enormous! Or am I overthinking this all?